The Mind of Another

If someone looks a bit like us, dresses a bit like us and talks a bit like us, there is a kind of assumption that they may think like us, well a bit anyway. The truth is we may never know what is going on in the mind of another. Many have bought a Prisoner T-shirt at Portmeirion, I am wearing one now. The extent to which the sentiment of the T-shirt is embodied, varies. I have earned this T-shirt. I did not simply buy it. We all make assumptions everyday of our lives, some are better than others. Many are “experts” on where someone else is coming from, but without knowing their influences. Needless to say, that vocalised expertise may not be all that good. When I was much younger, I was an avid watcher of Kung Fu, something which my parents scoffed at. It spoke to me and not to them, they would talk over it and this pissed me off. As it turned out, it had a hint of prophecy for me. Some of the things we are drawn to in childhood, can play out later in life, thematically if not verbatim.

It is a common “parlour game” to speculate on the motivations of others. I have, over the years, sat in many meetings and I am prepared to bet that few had little if any idea of my motivations or what was going on in Alan-world. These days my mind is largely silent so even that is unexpected. I do not try to be secretive, but to explain all the connections would take a very long time, which most people do not have. Insofar as I can tell, many is the time when people have thought that I am “on the same page” as them, when I am not in the same book or even in the same section of the library. People assume nevertheless.

“Use don’t know mind”, is the recommendation of Zen master Seung Sahn and this goes a long way to erasing preconceptions. Couple this with; “A warrior has nothing to defend” and you are on your way to understanding yourself and relating to people in a deeper more meaningful way. It takes a little time and effort. Which is better, to know it all already or to explore?

Have a think about it, do you really and have you ever, known accurately what is going on in the mind of another? Even the people we think we know have things we are unaware of. I personally have been surprised on many occasions by the things people do and how they behave. In some cases, I have been shocked. People do change in life, sometimes for the better but not always. If you are a control junkie, you may seek to control everything, sometimes it can be better to let things evolve and have a few surprises along the way. If you want to find out, then asking is better than assuming. Any scientist knows that one needs to check data. Our detectors can need recalibrating from time to time, and noise or mind-stuff, limits their accuracy.

The only safe assumption is that we can never fully know the mind of another. This is a good place to start.