there’s the rub!

This morning I went into town and a young woman tried to butter me up to get me to donate to a charity. She was pretty good at her job, but it is a tad unsettling at my age to be asked about my eye colour by someone you don’t know. She proceeded to inquire of my life story and I joked that as a start-up founder and cancerous middle-aged Ph.D. high school chemistry teacher, the next obvious step is to follow in the footsteps of my hero Heisenberg and start cooking up crystal-meth. I did not donate but she pointed me at the idea of volunteering again. As a part of the conversation she asked me to tell her something about me she would not expect. I deliberated telling her that I was a reincarnated Buddhist priest but chose instead to tell her that I can do deep voice chanting. She asked my age and I said fifty-three and she then said, that I looked more like thirty-six and in the same sentence commented that I was the same age as her dad. I shall explore The Loop later today.

There’s the rub! I look pretty much like everyone else and there are expectations about how I will behave. These expectations are inconsistent with what is.

I am very clear about this. Unless I have something that people want really bad, they are unlikely to put up with my “eccentricities”. There is no way forward, there is no way back. I can’t dress like a Buddhist priest / monk because I am not one. I have history which colours the expectations of others. I can’t play ego-stroking games because that would be disingenuous. I am not a natural bullshit artist. I do not meet the preconditions which abound. It is really simple, and I can see no way around it.

ay, there’s the rub!