This afternoon I have been trying to speculate on what might happen next, where my story will go. If the cancer doesn’t come back, I should have ~25 years left on the clock. I suspect that it is unusual for someone with my background {see the about page} which is fairly decent, though not earth shattering, in terms of science, to be blogging like I am doing. Given all the meditation and exploration I have done my state of mind is no longer run of the mill. I have wondered if I am in some strange novel or film and might one day wake up to find myself in some other place. But I doubt it. I can go outside into the garden and have a pheasant walk by ~3 meters from me, look up to the sky and see the buzzard hovering just above the hay barn. These seem real enough. Who knows where this strange novel or film might go? I haven’t sight of the conclusion nor even the next chapter.

There does not seem to be much use to me, as I am. The wife and I have an ongoing joke about robes. If I were wearing robes, people would respond to me in a different way. Because I wear Levi’s and drink and smoke, they expect me to be different somehow. I don’t think like most people do. This doesn’t mean that I can’t still do intellectually challenging things, however all the politics and status bullshit, gets in the way. Whatever talents I may have cannot be readily brought to bear in that context. I can’t, it seems, be true to myself and work in that world. I could bite my tongue but that would only cause me internal difficulties, sooner or later. Moreover, I fail to meet the conditions to get past the barriers.

I still have the one question; “what shall I do with the rest of this earthly sojourn?”

What I can do is this. I could also go back to tutoring. I could finish the book I have started about karma.

That looks to be the extent of the possibilities open to me right now.