What I Deserve

Before I settle down with a can of Stella to watch the boys take on the English, I’ll start in on this whole topic of deserving. People believe they deserve a whole bunch of stuff and they believe that they don’t deserve other things like say, love. Many believe they deserve a whacking great salary, recognition, fame, attention, kudos etc. They believe that they do not deserve to have to wait in line. They deserve top-notch medical treatment. They think that offenders deserve prison sentences. Others seem to think that if a girl gets drunk and wears a short skirt she deserves whatever happens to her. There is a whole lot of deserving going on.

And when we don’t get what we deem ourselves deserving of we can get pissed off and sulky. It is not fair.

This whole thing is a bit weird for me because insofar as I can tell, I am not hung up on this deserving thing. As a consequence, I rarely make any demands. I am neutral on deserving. Way back when I was still seriously applying for jobs there always came the question about salary expectations, I didn’t have any. Never was salary the issue for me. Insofar as I can tell this freaked people out. If stuff happens it is not because I deserved it, it is not because I am unworthy, it just happens.

Not quite sure where all this “deserving” stems from, exactly who sets the bar as to what we are entitled to? Does God have a remuneration committee which dishes stuff out and to which we can apply? I don’t think so. Do we have to make a case, a justification for our next girlfriend or house? It is odd…

Maybe there is some social consensus which decides who deserves what and when.

I suspect that this whole concept of deserving is a human invention. Something made-up and therefore imaginary. If I don’t believe in deserving, then perhaps I deserve whatever I get for my lack of faith in deserving? I do believe in karma, cause and effect, there is no need to colour it with a deserving hue.

There is a whole lot of deserving going on.