The In-finite Mystery of Beingness

In the post previous, I quoted the four postulates of stalking. As you can see photochemistry has had a hand on that page and it has been referred to often. If you are going to explore living, then a few postulates are not a bad way to start.

In becoming at-one with the mystery one can then delve into it experientially. If you imagine there is no mystery and that you have it all sussed, you aren’t going to uncover anything new. So, by delving at best one can come up with a set of working hypotheses about one’s own part in the greater scheme of things. And I have been busy with this, for a while now. My approach has been predicated by my second-ray Soul and my training as a scientific researcher. I prefer depth wherever possible.

In this blog are some of my dreams and these are a part of the mystery too. To be told in a vision that this was my last ever lifetime on earth was unexpected, further, to be given information on my past five lives was a surprise. Though I had already begun investigating along those lines. To have had repeated visions of me in Buddhist robes was a turn up for the books, especially as I was not reading anything Buddhist at the time. It was a bit strange to walk along a street in Tulse Hill on the way to give a lecture on Chemical Kinetics and have these visions overlaid in consciousness, breaking through, if you like. This kind of thing prompted what I term a line of inquiry which led me to investigate the Tulku tradition of Tibet. Theravada has no such thing. The implication of that vision is that I am a non-returner, anāgāmi. None of this is in any way amenable to proof and can only be considered as circumstantial evidence in the detective story, the mystery, of my life. The alternative explanation is of course psychosis. My behaviour is inappropriate to my erstwhile position as an academic at an august body.

I have joked that I am in a geek / yogi superposition state and as a result I “belong” to neither camp.

In so far as I can tell, I have a tendency to freak people out a little. There is what I term the nakedness problem, whereby I see things past the façade which unnerves people. There is a kind of intimacy, which unsettles, in many cases.

To have little if any leaning towards material things and no real desire for self-advancement has meant that I appeared strange in my peer-group. It meant that I did not “compete”. I have never been adept at social politics and that too has played a role. I just don’t buy-in to much of what other people seem to think is important. Many of the things that have gone “wrong” have stemmed from what might be called failed leverage. Someone has attempted to manipulate or leverage me in a manner which generally brings results, in my case however the effects have been different and unanticipated. The attempt has failed.

And so, I find myself here this March morning with at least some hypotheses as to how I got here, but no idea as to where I might go from here nor what I might do with the remainder of this life.