In this blog I have tried to point at the prevalence of assumption and preconception, raised a few taboo things and maybe demonstrated what might be deemed as socially inappropriate behaviour. I have made drug references and highlighted kudos obsession and snobbery, inter alia. No doubt were I working for an august institution someone would have had a word with me about my on-line behaviour. It is very simple. Insofar as I can tell I cannot be myself, express myself and fit in. Too many noses would be out of joint. I could kowtow and shut the fuck up, maybe be a good little boy but a part of me would die.
I cannot both be free and fit in. There is no possible both-and here.
I am a wasted resource. Even if people wanted what I have to offer, they do not want it and me, how I am. They would want me to fit in and comply with social conditioning. I don’t see this is as a drama myself. I am clear in my thinking. I understand the price of my relative freedom.
If you want to be free you need to understand this, you cannot be a fully socially integrated being and a free being. Because full social integration implies lack of freedom. You can be socially integrated and have some freedom, but it will be limited.
I can and do behave in public in a manner which does not look so very different from anyone else. I pay taxes, break virtually no laws and do not inflict myself on others, I make very few demands. My mind however is not with the hive or the heard. It left a long time ago. You can judge for yourself whether I am a loony-tune or not.
The crux, in my view, of so many things, is letting go of both-and thinking. In other words, deciding.
This is the $64,000 question:
Which appeals to me more, belonging or freedom?
Only you can answer it, for yourself.