99 Lead Balloons

The wife and I have started watching “The Bridge” TV series and I am getting quite a bit of empathy for Saga Norén. She says things, which are direct, factual and often considered inappropriate by her colleagues.

We have a bit of an ongoing joke and that is were I not married I should go on “The Undateables”. This is because I too can say lead balloons.

It happened just the other day, we were being shown around a property by a nice estate agent woman. I opened the wardrobe and there was a rusty red stain on the carpet. “It looks like someone has been murdered and they have stashed the body in here,” said I. Her face dropped, she started to look very concerned. I had to say that it is just my sense of humour. Nevertheless, it took her a few minutes to compose herself.

I have recently had gout and there is a bit of residual lump on my toe. “What do you think it is?” “Oh, it probably just another tumour growing dear, don’t worry.” I make a lot of cancer jokes these days.

In Aikido we were talking about taping up jewellery we could not remove for the grading. “Does that mean I have to tape up my Prince Albert?” To which all the men winced slightly.

People are easily offended and mortified. “Inappropriate” behaviour is somehow shocking. I don’t do it for effect. It just comes out. Tut, tut…

I once said to someone in an academic setting; “I have virtually no ego left.” That was the mother of all lead balloons!! I have never seen so much interest in the floor.

Now is it me?

Or are people way too easily offended and mortified?


Now I can on with looking at the documents that I have been putting off looking at..