Exploring the Sojourn Mystery

First to recap. This time last year I was waiting for my two-year post operation cancer check-up. In my mind I had it that I would then be at or near the peak of the recurrence probability, after which the probability started to decrease. This started to raise the question as to what to do with the rest of my earthly sojourn, as it looked increasingly like I was going to have one. At the time I was busy tutoring A level science students and the interaction with the young people was very enjoyable. I was getting increasingly fed up with the pedantry in the exam mark schemes and the lack of flexibility in the “allowed” answers. The “improvements” had created an uncertainty and to my mind were more political than pedagogic. The exams are a business and the whole thing was starting to irk me a little. The young people were carrying a “do what you need to pass the exam” mind-set which they had no doubt picked up from the league table obsessed schools. They were very nice to work with, all of them.

I saw an article in a magazine about photonics clusters and this raised in my mind the possibility of revisiting the start-up community, having done one before. So, I started exploring. A hot topic, as yet unsolved, is quantum computing and more solved, quantum cryptography. I began a technology and science survey.  In my mind it seemed that for fully integrate-able devices some kind of photonic optical system was the most likely long-term candidate. What makes a chip fast is the clock frequency, so one would need a high repetition rate source of entangled photons. I trawled through the literature and patents and came up with a patentable putative solution. Now in order to get this off the ground I would need some cash, quite a lot. I could do a proof of principle for about a quarter of a mill. I came up with two possible avenues, one low cash and one high cash. This was predicated by the fact that key-man insurance for a cancer ridden spectre like me is £65k per annum for 2 mill cover. So, either the cash should be so low that that they would waive this insurance or so high that it would not be significant, seemed sensible. The openness to me was better in France and Germany than here in the UK. There is too much history and politics here. In the end I shelved this whole idea as a no-go.

I haven’t tutored this academic year which means that time has passed slowly. I have only one student, who is more mature, and he is a great bloke. I have been doing one tutorial a month. This means that I am in a cash burn situation which cannot go on for ever.

In the back of my mind, is that I am entering my final pinnacle, which is a 1. It will be about being point and /or leadership of some kind.

I have found a lot of closed doors, but none that are open and that have the property of flow as opposed to friction. I am not in the business of arguing the toss or cajoling or chasing any longer. So there has to be flow. When the right door comes along I will know because of this flow.

Since that time, I have written a 250k word blog, which may be the thing I am meant to be doing for now. I put together a trial pamphlet using Kindle publisher and that seems pretty straightforward. I am not overly keen on self-promotion.

Last night I had a dream, which was to do with people in my distant past. In that dream I am using sign language to point them to a road sign. That road sign says, The South. Which is the deep unknown and the place of dreams and dreaming. In the dream I am heading there. And this is where I find myself this morning… Exploring the Sojourn Mystery.


Stoner or Head?

Every since I can remember I have been interested in altered states of perception. I figured out at an early age that I had something of an imagination and could run images in my head, in my mind. I tend to visualize as opposed to verbalize. All it took was some seed image and I could then make up visions and pictures. These would be three-dimensional and sometimes more.

When I was a student I first encountered the difference between a stoner and a head. A stoner is someone who wants to escape, get stoned and otherwise fucked up. A head is someone who is experimenting with the experience and investigating it. There are a lot more stoners than heads.

Altered states of perception can come from recreational drugs, prescribed drugs, shamanic drumming, martial arts zones, meditation, chanting, real life danger and quantum mechanics. But dreaming is my very favourite. I can be fully awake when dreaming, conscious of what I am doing and even “think” in the dream. I can get up for a piss and then start the dream back up, reboot it. It is all about the experience. If one lets go of the concrete world, one can have a different experience. But there needs to be control otherwise you will find your self sectioned under the mental health act. One has to know which state one is in, when and for how long.

Experimenting with visualization and altered states enables one to construct visions. One can go places.

Having cued this up:

Do you like to escape or to experience?

Are you a stoner or a head?

My Left Foot

Feet are the dreaming symbol for perception or understanding. And my left foot is causing me some grief. Thanks to the gout it is bright red, swollen and throbbing. I had difficulty sleeping last night due to the foot. Left is left sided knowledge or feeling. I am feeling a little mellow right now, must have been the codeine I had at 4:30 AM.

This morning the kestrel pair were sat on the crossbar of the pole barn, not ten metres from where I stood to smoke. They have been around a lot of late and don’t seem overly perturbed by me. One of them often sits on the electricity pole about four metres from my head. Birds of prey are the dreaming symbol of power.

Mr and Mrs Jackdaw have been regular visitors and they remind us of Russel and Sheryl, the two crows which nested above our door about ten years ago. They arrived when I started to have visions and changed my meditation protocol. Crows are couriers of power.

And today, if I can hack it, I will take my car to get its MOT and service. Car is the dreaming symbol for state of awareness / level of perception. The garage will check it out and tell me if it is OK.

What is my left foot trying to tell me?

Tree Dream 14-4-18

Here is this morning’s dream.

I find myself on a harsh rocky landscape. The ground is dry, and the sun beats down. Not much grows here. I have with me a small ornamental tree, a spade and a wheelbarrow full of good topsoil. The ground is sandy coloured and hard, the topsoil is deep brown, fertile and earthy.

I look for somewhere to plant the tree. And there is but one hole in the ground. Lying next to the hole is a cylinder of rusty steel. The hole running through the cylinder is big enough for the root ball. And this cylinder fits nicely into the hole in the ground. The steel is quite thick ~5mm. I place the cylinder in the hard ground and fill it with some earth. I place the tree in the hole and cover the root ball with some earth. I have now a watering can which I water the tree with.

That tree is the only living thing in this harsh landscape. In the dream I know that its growth will be limited by the ring of steel which surrounds it. It cannot grow past this rusty ring of steel. In the dream I know that this is a metaphor for what I am trying to do and that this too is surrounded by a ring of rusty steel.   

Dream ends.

Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?

A little unsettled this morning after last night’s dreams all of which (3) were of a somewhat dystopic nature.  I haven’t had this kind of post-apocalyptic thing for a while.

In each of these dreams I am there more as an observer.

The last and most vivid of these had me wandering around London on a New Year’s Eve. London was divided into turfs or factions and passing between these was difficult for most, but in the dream, not for me. There was a lawlessness and an elite lived high up on the hill whilst the rest of the city was Beirut (during the troubles) like.

There were “passport” controls at tube stations between the turfs.

May be these dreams are a response to the growing world tensions, maybe they are processing my recent visit to London.


That Mystic Vibe

Here in the foothills of les Pyrénées I am starting to pick up that mystic vibe, it is common amongst all mountain peoples. And I have Gog (North Wales) blood in my veins so it is not too surprising that I have already been assumed to be Catalan a couple of times, these last few days. That vibe lasts, it persists in these little pockets further away from the hustle and bustle. One can sense when one is being “probed” non-verbally. And it is noted when you notice.

In the mountains legends and myths persist like the snow on the mountains in spring. That vibe is a “hippie” magnet. There is a “natural mystic flowing” in the rivers and in the streams. It has been driven into these enclaves far from the noise, the ambitions and all that thinking, all that talking. It touches something if not primordial, then a little ancient. The vibe seeps and that is a good word for it, seeps. It even pervades but the vibe is no longer quite that strong. It is a vibe of stories around the fire on a dark winter’s night. It is a vibe that softly caresses the hackles on the back of the neck.

Something has perhaps drawn me here, some nuance of the dreaming. Too early to say for sure but the “foothills” of the dream are there. We have been looking at houses, in one a full natal chart, in another a book on magik. And today we went to a town selling les sorcières, les bruixes.

There is that mystic vibe…