There is a game which we might call Victim Top-Trumps which can form the basis of many a conversation and it has an element of one up-man-ship to it. The purpose of the game is prove just how badly life is treating you, how utterly unfair the world is and to elicit as much sympathy as possible. The winner goes away with the prize of being top victim. It gets conflated with Victim Poker as there can be a bidding war.
In the game of top-trumps the players are dealt a hand of cards. These might be automobiles, Star Wars characters or whatever. The idea is that someone selects a category, let’s use cars as an example. One player selects “Top Speed” and reads out for his/her card, Porsche 911 top speed 174mph. In turn each player selects a card and reads out a statistic. Ford Fiesta top speed 107mph, the next player says Bugatti Veyron top speed 242mph. Now this player has just won this round and takes the cards off the other players. The winner is the one who wins all the cards. In this instance the Bugatti is the top trump.
In the instance of Victim Top-Trumps, there are many categories. These might be: the journey to the Top-Trumps tournament, the weather, the plumbing, the relationship, the workplace, the government, the neighbours, the pets, the financial situation, health, age, substance dependence, the prices in the supermarket etc. And each can be sub-divided into numerous sub categories. The aim is to justify the victimhood to the greatest extent possible. It needs at least two players but the numbers can increase, say at a dinner party or a wedding.
Imagine if you will three players sat around a dinner table:
A: The Piccadilly line was fucked again. I had to wait ten minutes at Arnos Grove!
B: That’s nothing there was a suicide on the tracks at Victoria!
C: Did you not hear about the terrorist attack at Leytonstone? The police had us held back for two hours!
So who won this round?
A: Pass the gin my wife left me!
B: You poor thing. I came home and found my husband dressed as a kinky nurse in red suspenders and dancing to Kylie Minogue!
C: That bird I was messaging has blocked me again. She says that she is fed up of me stalking her and sending dick pics.
And this one?
C: My flu just won’t go away
B: It was a bugger! I had that one …..was in bed for a fortnight and they put me on antibiotics.
C: I was admitted to hospital for a few days
A: They gave me the anti-flu virus, because of my condition, so I didn’t get it. My gammy leg has gotten worse with the weather. I am due some more X-rays
C: My heart skipped a few beats so they are considering putting in some stents
B: That’s nothing I am waiting to see if my biopsy comes back with signs of cancer again
A: The doctors say that they may have to amputate
C: As it turns out I have Ebola, so they put me in an isolation ward
So here we have raising the stakes
All in all this bunch have a lot to feel sorry for themselves about. Bless, poor things….
Having cued this up:
Do I ever play Victim Top-Trumps?
Why do I do this?