The Sign I Have Been Waiting For?

Now that dream was not an echo…

You can’t talk to dolphins in an echo…

Throughout the blog there is mention of start-ups and VCs, which might seem at odds. But the prime motivation for me was always about raising some stake money. It was never about getting rich. Even way back, this was the idea.

I would make an exit with enough money to start a centre. I am good at organisation and logistics, so this would be easy for me. Even in the dreaming there is practicality.

There is plenty of money for new electronic gizmos, less for experimental retreat centres.

This notion has come back today.

Maybe this is the sign I have been waiting for in regard of remainder of earthly sojourn…


The Art of Time

A human life “expectancy” in the modern Western world is something like 2.5 giga-seconds. This might seem like a lot, but those seconds soon run out. Until we hit the 1 giga-second mark we rarely pay much heed to our own mortality. After that it starts to get more apparent, stuff starts to stop working quite so well. Our sojourn here is limited and most of us do not use it as well as we might. I could say that we waste time, spend it unwisely and in a profligate manner. For some there is an urge to cram as much stuff as is possible into that time window, we may not be discerning about the quality rather gimme some quantity. Whether we like to admit it or not we are all making decisions about how we use our time all of the time. We can be hasty and impatient, we can procrastinate and dither. We could watch endless news coverage on Brexit and thereby reduce our will to live. How we use our time is, to an extent, up to us. If you want to get a little more focus then I can recommend getting cancer, in this respect. It teaches that there is only so much sand in the hourglass.

But what I want to address here is the idea of “give it time”. I can use two real-world examples.

If you do a degree in say physics or chemistry, you might get first class honours, which could encourage you to believe that you are smart and have it sussed. Then maybe you start a Ph.D. Pretty soon you are brought face to face with the fact, that theory and application differ. You ain’t quite so smart as you have professed to all and sundry. After about three years of toil, frustration and some success, you start to appreciate that text-book knowledge and real-world application are not one and the same thing. Maybe for about a day or so, after three years or more of effort, you are the world expert in the subject of your thesis. You have to “give it time” in order to learn your craft. Even after that, in the world of science, you are still a bit of a novice, though your ego might say otherwise.

Say you start a martial art like karate, ninjutsu or aikido. Your motives will vary according to temperament. Maybe you covet that black-belt status so that you can deem yourself hard. Pretty soon you start to realise that it takes constant effort. In your martial arts journey, you won’t just learn how to throw a shuriken, but a whole bunch of other stuff about yourself as well. Until you have done about three years you will not really have scratched the surface. After about three years, you have something of an inkling.

In each of these examples by “giving it time” you have what I call a learning journey. If you throw your toys out of the cot, the moment the going gets tough, then you do not learn anything new. If you stick with it then maybe you get out of the cot, onto the nursery floor and thence to a wider world.

The Art of Time is knowing when to “give it time” and when not to. Which of course leads back to paths and journeys

Having cued this up there is one question:

To what am I currently giving my time?

With Cunning, Before God

If you don’t believe in God, you might treat this as a metaphor or replace God with “The Universe”.

Imagine at end of days as you pass from this world into the next, there you are naked in your Soul, your essence. God is there with you and he says:

“Welcome home, my son (daughter). Tell me of your travels, of your earthly sojourn, what have you to offer me? What have you garnered there on that, the bluest of all planets?”

“Father, I have had many victories, my guile and my cunning, helped me win these. I earned much money, fame and kudos. Amongst my fellows I held power and dominion. I collected many things and hoarded them. I knew love, but not deep love. I used people Father, to achieve my aims. I took much but gave little. I was skilled in manipulation and in politics. Well did I learn these ways.”

“My son, is that all you have to offer me? Did you not learn of kindness, of compassion and of service?”

“But Father I wanted so badly to impress you, to show my power and my glory. Have I not done this? Am I now not worthy of Your love?”

“My foolish child, of course you are! But it saddens me, your choices. When I sent you into the world, I had such hope. There is more to life than being impressive and seeking attention, how could you miss this? In all your cunning you did not learn to be wise…..”

As an exercise:

Imagine the conversation that you might have with God, or The Universe, at the end of your days.

Nine Year Anniversary

Nine years ago now, not long married and on the 2nd December 2008, They first came.

As I sat at the dinner table, I was taken by a vision, tears streamed down my face as I was held, gripped, by it.

They said that I am a blessed one and too important to lose. They asked if I knew what that meant. Unfortunately, I did. Its full implication and meaning is even now working out. They said that no matter what it took, I should stay alive. They would send watchers to look after me.

And so it began. The following spring two crows nested above our back door as I changed and re-membered. For the next few years I was tested to the very brink and beyond.

Later they told me that I had chosen to incarnate blind to all of my knowledge as an experiment both to see how much I could withstand and to ascertain how people would react to me. They told me of my five most recent incarnations. They said that I had once been a very close disciple of Buddha.

They said that when I first came into being all those millions of years ago, They knew that I would always live like this; a rare and beautiful thing.

They say that this is my very last incarnation. I will not be born again, here on earth.

What does one do with stuff like this? Visit the psychiatrist? I can prove none of the above.

Over the last nine years, there have been more than a few challenges amongst them the cancer. I still face the unanswered question; “What to do with the rest of this earthly sojourn?”

There are feelings, and these say that here in the UK, I am blocked and cornered, I can do nothing beyond teaching A level science. Everything else I try hits a wall, sooner or later. The doors are closed and held fast. Elsewhere, people are a little more open. It is to do with the UK mind-set and its desire for power. I know, at one level, that it is not only my karma at work here and that there are karmic implications way beyond my own. Those implications are far-reaching. Yet for whatever reason I have not yet been able to get out of Dodge. Just when it looks like it might happen, something gets in the way. Maybe I am supposed to stay a while longer.

Because I am not materially oriented, I cannot materialise anything. This is the explanation I have for now.

As the year draws to a close I have to figure out what to do with my time. I need to make some decisions…


Earthly Sojourn and Dao

Do you really think
She’ll pull through?
Girlfriend in a coma, I know
I know – it’s serious

The Smiths

So far this has been a strange old year and out there, away from the farm, the planning blight of Brexit hangs like a fog, a cloud. All that internecine bickering, power struggles and squabbling has set the tone for the UK. I have been looking at ways to get out of Dodge. That self-important “we are so much better than Europe”, misguided mentality of a post imperial power, colours. Squabble, bicker, argue, self-promote and opine; that is the UK in the 21st century. I find myself at a juncture and this juncture started when I got the two years no evidence of disease news around the middle of the year. It looks like I am going to live after all so the question; “what am I going to do with the remainder of this earthly sojourn?” came to the fore. And it is a question, to which, I have no answer.

Over the past few years I have been privately tutoring 16-18 year olds in Physics and Chemistry. The experience has been good, I have had some good students with an interesting variety of characters. But this year, things have started to change. It hasn’t gone as smoothly. The exam boards, in an effort to make the exams harder, have made the marking even more prescriptive, especially in Chemistry. If you don’t use the exact catchphrase prescribed, no marks. There is little benefit of the doubt and no attempt at trying to understand what the student has said. I do not want to train parrots.  A veil of pallor has snuck into even this benign activity. I have put off new clients and am effectively unemployed. I have resigned from my self-employment, kind of. I could pick this up for the new year. I don’t feel a strong urge to face another A level paper, at time of writing.

Over the summer I looked into starting another high technology business. {I have done one before} As an exploration I started into the entrepreneurship arena and looked into quantum computing and quantum cryptography. I read loads of papers and patents. I even came up with a patentable idea for a novel entangled pair photon source. It took a while to get the grey matter working, and dreaming of matrices was a side-effect. The mood, the flavour, the temperature in this country was not receptive to me. I am not a member of the club and in any case the “word” may be out about me. In Europe it was much better. I met some nice helpful people there. There are two major showstoppers, no recent track record and the price of key man insurance for a cancer patient, which is high. My assessment was that the ideas I had were more like a research project than something I could pitch to VCs. Because I am not institutionalised I cannot apply for research funding. This now is on the tiniest back-burner in some dark corner of the stove.

I have had a go at self-publishing using Kindle Direct as a kind of pipe cleaner. It was simple, and those guys have made it almost a pleasure. The book and eBook can be found by following the link on the About page. I have plenty of stuff gleaned from various blogs I have done over the years which I could, with some editing, publish. There are hundreds of poems etc. I am a bit of a squirrel.

What I am looking for is the Dao, right now the Dao says doldrums, pause, wait. If something is meant to be the Dao opens a way, not necessarily without obstacles but neither overwhelmed by them. There is a feeling to it, a breeze one can sense. Last autumn, I looked into martial arts and lo and behold there was an Aikido class down in the village. This kind of synchronicity cannot be ignored. So, the wife and I started Aikido training in our early fifties. The pull of the mat was strong for me after a 17-year absence. It has awoken many body memories and can only have benefits as we move towards dotage. One can make ukemi rather than break a hip.

The question remains; what shall I do with the rest of this earthly sojourn?

On a pragmatic level, the cash burn is there, it isn’t biting deep to the bone yet. But it is biting. It is time then for the fifth aspect of the stalker’s rule:

Whenever faced with impossible odds, a warrior opens himself up to the world around him by allowing his mind to become occupied with the little details of life.