Becoming a Day-walker.

Is there freedom in the shadows?

There is a great deal of glamour associated with the vampire mythos. Vampirism confers special powers, power over others, sensuality, sexiness, mystique and a limited immortality. There is however, a lot at stake for vampires; they fear exposure and most of all exposure to sun light. They must ever wander hungry, lustful in the shadows. They seek eternally their next sip of blood, another being to feed off. Whilst they have some weird power, they have fears and furtiveness. They may want dominion, but they are not day-walkers. The vampire genre has recently invented this notion of day-walker.

This metaphor is generally applicable. The freedom and power offered by the shadows is of a limited kind and it comes at a price.

There is only one way to claim the power of a day-walker and that is to step out into the full light of day. If you are afraid to do this, then the only power you have is that of a shadow being.

This is the test, daylight, openness and genuine transparency. Until you try it you will not know if you will be burned to dust.

Having cued this up:

Why am I so afraid of the light?

Would it not be truly liberating to become a day-walker?

Or do I prefer my fearful prison of shadows?

The Astounding Omniscience of They

If you want to be free, then you will need to think for yourself and then learn to trust that and what your heart tells you. You many need to do this against a backdrop of the astounding omniscience of they. This means that you might be at the sharp end of group opinion. It is not a comfortable place.

This relates to the “Making Plans for Nigel” theme, a favourite theme of mine. Other people gather together and make plans for what to do with Nigel. They imagine that if they present Nigel with a fait accompli, he will be happy and go along with it. Of course, they have not consulted Nigel whilst they are making plans for him, so it is by way of an intrigue. He has been excluded and thereby plotted upon. This never occurs to them, it lies outside their astounding omniscience.

Group mind deems itself wise and all-knowing, this is because like-minded people share a similar approach. Because there is little dissent within a homogeneous group, it imagines that consensual accuracy is in fact wide ranging and accurate. A little careful thought suggests that homogeneous groups are limited to the conceptual abilities to be found within their homogeneity. Although they may imagine themselves capable of thinking outside the box, the box is pretty small to start off with. So even if they manage to get outside the box it is still close to the box.

There is something comforting about the consensus of a group. Because of that it deems itself to be righter. From within the group it seems OK to recruit into it or inflict opinion upon those outside it. They imagine themselves attractive and to have a gravitational pull.

If you want to be free, then you have to be mindful of this draw of group-mind. It can be difficult to maintain clarity in the light of peer pressure. Group-mind is volatile and can turn in an instant, sometimes on others. And group-mind once moving has more momentum, thereby it is difficult to stop or resist. It takes some character to not get caught up in group-mind. That primitive urge to belong to some tribe or other is strong. External people will always consult the tribe before the individual. This means that the astounding omniscience of they, is the more widely accepted. They say a lot of things.


If you want to be free, then you will need to think for yourself and then learn to trust that and what your heart tells you.


In our modern world we expect people to be after something, to be making demands. When we have a demand, we can negotiate and argue. Where there isn’t a demand or even a request, we are nonplussed.

A long time ago, someone who was trying to be clever said that I was a part of the equation. It was his equation and not mine, so I cancelled one of his variables for him, me. I took my self out of his equation. I have been simplifying equations ever since.

This tendency not to make demands, or otherwise assert some ambition, is beyond belief for so many. It is a does not compute. To ask for little or nothing, does not sit well in the western mind. And if you give, people will take and take again, until there is no blood left. And then the time comes to cancel a variable.

If your self and its residual desires is not there, it is lacking, it is selfless. There is nothing to fight with or against, simply an absence of self. To take self out of an equation is at first difficult, after that it gets easier. One practises selflessness and in time one learns it and its deeper implications.

If you are selfless you become suspect and this makes tongues wag in the breeze. Those not yet selfless and keen on attention, often clamour for a worm of gossip.

Selflessness is one of the keys to freedom.

That Gnawing

I don’t know if you recognise it or admit it to yourself, but many have a gnawing in their make-up. It is more demanding in some than in others and it gnaws. It is the enough-hole, it is an absence of love, it takes many guises. Somehow never is it satiated, it simply gnaws away sometimes in the background sometimes up front. It belies a filling. And many seek to fill it with all the wrong things. If you become a seeker, then the chances of finding this ever elusive enough, are enhanced. If not, you will try to stuff it with same old.

Whilst the gnawing chews away there is no equanimity. And many build minefields and lay barbed wire around their gnawing. Few look direct into their gnawing and so do not know its nature. Until you do this you will not be whole, because you have a hole, the gnawing. It is only when the teeth of that gnawing bite so very hard and deep that people start to seek meaningfully. And so, the journey can begin in earnest. To achieve equanimity and a measure of freedom, sooner or later you will have to peer direct into that gnawing else be like a hungry ghost eking out and overcompensating.

Control or Abandon?

We’re only making plans for Nigel
We only want what’s best for him
We’re only making plans for Nigel
Nigel just needs that helping hand


Some are forever dabbling in the lives of others, they seek to control them and get them to fit to their plans, their will. On occasion this can go badly wrong, yet many do not learn from this lesson. They try the same kind of thing over and over. Few ask Nigel what he wants, they decide for him. They may assume that they know what Nigel wants, their clairvoyance is obviously accurate. I think it fair to say that controlling behaviour is not rare. Some are more control junkie than others. Control is often about power over or about avoiding that which makes one fearful. Control of others can be out and out manipulation, which is the antithesis of freedom.

It is said that the greatest act of the warrior is to shift from control to abandon.

In this one abandons oneself to one’s fate. It also means abandoning the self. One eases up on controlling others and is aware of anything which impacts on liberty, such as the controlling behaviours of others. If one senses an incoming Nigel situation, it is best to walk. It means not directing life, rather flowing with it. If there must be a hand on the tiller at all, it is a very light touch. Needless to say, this surrendering to fate is not to the taste of many. Most like the idea that they have at least some control over their lives and some do indeed get a kick out of manipulating others.

The warrior looks to see what the universe is showing him and does not seek to impose his will nor inflict it on others. And in controlling nothing he finds freedom and equanimity. To let go of control and controlling is to kill worry stone dead, which is relaxing. And strangely, a relaxed being makes better decisions than a tense one.

It is said that the greatest act of the warrior is to shift from control to abandon.

un monde sans liberté

“Le seul moyen d’affronter un monde sans liberté est de devenir si absolument libre qu’on fasse de sa propre existence un acte de révolte. ”

― Albert Camus

Yesterday I put up some quotes about the fourth natural enemy – old age. This was partly because I am assessing if that theme is at work for me, what with trying to figure out what to do next and all that. One has to figure out if the inertia is down to self or the world around. I feel anything other than inert. My current thinking is that the barriers, imaginary or otherwise, are external. The circumstances are simply not suitable for someone like me and with my history. I am not adequate to the preconditions. I am too “feral” and do not conform sufficiently. And because I have little which the external world might want badly enough, it is difficult to make any headway. All I can do, for now, is write.

If one takes a look at pretty much all “spiritual” traditions of any longevity, one can see that the consequences of their application are to take one out of the normative behaviours of society. To step away from greed, for example, takes one out of the crowd. To let go of ambition, is to render one obsolete to the corporate world or academia, for that matter. To ease up on internal dialogue is to extract oneself from the bulk of conversational interchange. And to let go of comparison mind and simply be, is to stop playing bucket list top trumps with others. The cessation of status-worship threatens the power structures and invites exile. Many subscribe to these “spiritual” traditions in name only, few apply them to any depth. That is too inconvenient.

The world is not a free place, it is rife with conditions and conditioning. There is little one can do other than follow the advice of Camus. If that means walking a somewhat solitary path, then so be it. Unless someone does, such paths will be lost forever. They will become overgrown and human heritage will become bereft of them. All we shall have left is the consummate joy and the abiding spiritual happiness of social media and consumerism.

Punishment – Humanity Most Basal

There is no thing which evokes the most basal in humans quite like punishment. Many cry out for punishment sometimes loosely in the name of justice. At one time or another people punish and are punished in turn. That Abrahamic eye for an eye mentality still abounds. Revenge and retribution can be found in the hearts of more than a few. At slight or offence there is a tendency to lash out and punish. You can see it in the supermarket, at the checkouts. Out comes the tongue whip. And so, we walk on eggshells around some. People seem to get a kick out of punishment and some seem to enjoy being punished. This whole area accesses the darkest recesses of human mind and behaviour. There is often a vicarious element to seeing people punished.

Getting your own back, getting revenge, scoring points are common plots in literature and films. Revenge sells. It can be petty or bitter and vindictive. It is through punishment that social conditioning is applied. Punishment is not humanity at its best. It is a part of “normal” life. Where we take the place of an old testament God to punish the wrong doer, by our divine grace it is we who decided what is wrong. We then mete out, impose and inflict our punishments on others.

Over the years I have come to the idea that this desire to punish is a barometer of liberation. The more desire to punish there is, the less freedom a being has. A free being could not possibly be motivated to punish.

As an exercise:

Keep track of when you feel the desire to mete out some punishment, whether verbal or in some other way.

What motive is behind?

From what possibly guttural, basal, source, does this originate?

What if anything might it achieve?