This notion of control is quite prevalent. I have been contemplating this a little this afternoon, and I guess what most people fear is a loss of control. They may even fear this more than being controlled, not sure about that. Loss of control can be relating to control over others which might be dominion and loss of control over self, no self-control. I would be surprised if there is a single being on the planet who has never lost control over self, lost their rag or otherwise lost the plot. For some, control over self is aimed at via control over others. Many do not like to have their buttons pushed our boundaries tested, for this risks a loss of control. Thus, we may strive to control situations and steer them away from our buttons and boundaries.
We may don protective armour of one kind or another and keep “dangerous” people at arm’s length. I am pretty sure that in the past when I might have been very useful to people I was not selected because it was believed that I might challenge some dominion or other. It was doubtful that I would be a good slave, and do as I was told without question, I was too much of a risk to the fiefdom structure. I would not be a toady or a sycophant. There was a fear that I could not be controlled which might lead to a loss of wider control. And so, someone less able was selected. Who knows if that worked out or not. Insecurity is not uncommon. We may downgrade what we want or need if that threatens our control. We kind of short-change ourselves for fear of this loss of control. Maybe we do not deserve to find out what we are made of?
This control-freakery can mean that we never experience our full potential by playing it safe. We may be excited and intrigued by a possible partner and then bottle it because we sense that they are going to take us way out of our comfort zones. We pick a safe bet and then complain we are bored. I’ll wager that many relationships in which there was much potential were never entered into because of this fear of loss of control and many more are stifled by controlling behaviour.
There is a fairly easy way to test how much someone fears losing control; offer them a tab of acid or a few mushrooms. If they go for it, they may be less controlling, but you can watch the fear in their eyes as it comes up. This speaks. If they talk their way out of it, one of the motivations aback of the justifications will be fear of loss of control.
Obviously, I am not advocating the acid test, so to speak.
Aside from manipulating people away from buttons and boundaries there is a nasty side to the dominion trip and that is some people get a kick out of power over. Some genuinely want minions to do their bidding. If you are kinky for that kind of stuff, that is for you. You may get a kick out of being a loyal minion.
To give the illusion of control we develop habits. These provide some sense of order in the world and are comforting. After a while we fear loss of that habit because we cannot control our fondness or addiction to our habits. Down that path is OCD. But we all have it to an extent. Our habits, however boring, make us feel in control. Outside of habit and habitual thinking is the unknown and as we all know from maps of old, there be dragons. This fear of the unknown is as big as big thing on a particularly gigantic day. We each of us have many unknown things, unexplored in our make-up. Some of these are nice, some not so nice.
Having cued this up:
Why do I fear a loss of control?
Am I afraid of my potential(s)?
Would it be a shame to die leaving them unexplored?